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The Modern-Day Parent
Accepting what was, what is, and what will be…
Over the last three years, I have been asking myself one question over and over again:
What does it take to be the best parent I can be to ensure that my children don’t turn into psychopaths?
True story.
It made me giggle as I put pen to paper... better yet... fingertips to keyboard! Not because the question isn’t legitimate (I had genuinely asked myself this question!) but because sometimes, when you put a thought into words and actually see it staring back at you from the page, it sounds a little more ridiculous than it did in your head.
As I am sure you can relate, these kinds of thoughts are common for us moms and dads. The whirlwind of intrusive thoughts clutters our already cluttered brains. Catastrophizing comes naturally to us, and all sense of reality goes out the window.
However…
What if I told you that our kids are going to be just fine.
That the act of questioning our parenting alone is a sign that we are already imperfectly perfect.
Our worries are often based on stories that we’ve allowed ourselves to believe- that, on the off chance they might come true, we would somehow be better prepared.
The truth is, it isn’t our job to figure everything out- in all situations, for all members of the family, and for a future that NO ONE can predict.
Our job is to accept ourselves as the wonderful moms and dads that we were created to be, with all of the baggage and life experiences from our past- whether our parents raised us in a bubble, in the warmth of their embrace, or in the chaos of failed relationships or heavy hands.
Maybe the only thing standing in our way, and theirs, is us. Not because we aren’t doing enough, but because we’re holding on to too much: our past, our expectations of ourselves as parents, and our expectations of who our children should become.
Maybe it’s time to let some of it go.
Our job is to be present now. To let go of the things that keep us from connecting with ourselves, because the more connected we are to ourselves, the more connected we can be to our children.
And part of that connection means knowing when to hold on and when to let go. To provide our children with a shield when they need our protection, while also knowing when to step aside and give them the chance to experience life for themselves.
To make room for who we are now, who they are becoming, and whatever comes next.
To prepare them, as best we can, for this beautiful yet ruthless world while reminding them that they are loved, supported, and capable of doing hard things.
Because when we believe in them, they begin to believe in themselves.
And maybe being the “best” parent isn’t about guaranteeing the outcome. Maybe it isn’t about making sure we get everything right or protecting our children from every hard thing that might come their way.
Maybe it’s about accepting what was, being present for what is, and trusting what will be.
Their story ultimately belongs to them.
And our job isn’t to write it for them.
It’s to give them the confidence to pick up the pen.
Tamara Brown
Certified Parent Educator & Coach | B.A. Child Development | Dipl. PT
Founder, BATS — Bridging Ages Through Stages — a Parent Education and Family Inclusion Practice
Hi, I'm Tamara! I've spent the last 23 years working with children and families. I'm a mother of two, wife to my high school friend, and sibling to a brother with a disability. My professional and personal experiences inspired BATS—Bridging Ages Through Stages, a Parent Education and Family Inclusion Practice supporting families through the many ages and stages of life.
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